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Brian Alexander was cut from the USA National Water Polo team, and then he was cut from his college team. Neither of these dismissals was driven by performance in the pool. Brian said he “made some really poor choices in terms of code of conduct” and that he “really wasn't putting the work in” to deserve a spot on these teams. As I listened to him recount the story, now a decade later, the pain and sadness he felt at that time in his life was still palpable. Brian shared, “I didn't have water polo in my life. That was like a huge low. That was like a rock bottom.” He hit that low and realized “I had to make a really big decision at that point. How did I want to live? What was important to me? What was it going to take, and how was I going to get back on the teams?”
After many months of working with psychologists and coaches and spending a lot of time on his own putting in the hours to train alone to still be physically prepared, Brian was able to earn a spot back on both teams. Brian remembers telling himself, “I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to make this happen and earn it back.” And he did.
I asked Brian how he managed to tap into some newfound resilience to dig himself out of this low and get back to where he wanted to be. He said he had to have “a really deep look at myself and decide what's important to me; what kind of changes in my belief systems; what kind of maturity is it gonna take.” And that deep look brought him to really question and get clear on his values.
Brian now works with elite athletes as a mental performance consultant, and he’s taken what he learned in these tough moments in his life to help others identify “what are the values that you use to decide where to go when you reach those forks in the road.” He helps players realize that “aside from results, understanding why you play the game that you play and what really resonates with you” is so important in those times when faced with adversity. He noted that “results will come and go, and you can't control the outcome a lot of times” so understanding why you do what you do helps maintain focus on where to place the effort even when things aren’t going as planned.
As Brian said this, I was brought right back to a yoga class I took so many years ago. I’ve done a lot of yoga to try and counter all the brutality I put my body through as a rugby player for 15 years. The instructors often offer up a mantra at the beginning of class for practitioners to focus on and keep coming back to throughout the session as a way to keep grounding yourself in an intention for that time. This particular instructor shared the mantra “Let go of the outcome and live in the effort.” She said it once, and it has stuck with me for over a decade as something I tap back into and repeat whenever I need to reground myself in why I do what I do. It’s served me in training sessions, game days, tough career transitions, challenging board meetings and so many other times and places when I needed to be reminded of what I really value over whatever final outcome or result I’m hoping for.
Our values serve as a North Star when all of the other distractions of life may begin to feel overwhelming. They remind us why we do what we do and provide the foundation for how we do it. Taking time to get clear on your values now can be so helpful for when you encounter those forks in the road as Brian mentioned. Here’s a Values Resource to help you get started, and don’t be afraid to let go of the outcome and live in the effort.
-Derika
PS. To hear the full conversation with Brian, join us at The Next Playbook Podcast and sign up for our Newsletter to hear about new posts.
Brian Alexander was cut from the USA National Water Polo team, and then he was cut from his college team. Neither of these dismissals was driven by performance in the pool. Brian said he “made some really poor choices in terms of code of conduct” and that he “really wasn't putting the work in” to deserve a spot on these teams. As I listened to him recount the story, now a decade later, the pain and sadness he felt at that time in his life was still palpable. Brian shared, “I didn't have water polo in my life. That was like a huge low. That was like a rock bottom.” He hit that low and realized “I had to make a really big decision at that point. How did I want to live? What was important to me? What was it going to take, and how was I going to get back on the teams?”
After many months of working with psychologists and coaches and spending a lot of time on his own putting in the hours to train alone to still be physically prepared, Brian was able to earn a spot back on both teams. Brian remembers telling himself, “I'm going to stick it out. I'm going to make this happen and earn it back.” And he did.
I asked Brian how he managed to tap into some newfound resilience to dig himself out of this low and get back to where he wanted to be. He said he had to have “a really deep look at myself and decide what's important to me; what kind of changes in my belief systems; what kind of maturity is it gonna take.” And that deep look brought him to really question and get clear on his values.
Brian now works with elite athletes as a mental performance consultant, and he’s taken what he learned in these tough moments in his life to help others identify “what are the values that you use to decide where to go when you reach those forks in the road.” He helps players realize that “aside from results, understanding why you play the game that you play and what really resonates with you” is so important in those times when faced with adversity. He noted that “results will come and go, and you can't control the outcome a lot of times” so understanding why you do what you do helps maintain focus on where to place the effort even when things aren’t going as planned.
As Brian said this, I was brought right back to a yoga class I took so many years ago. I’ve done a lot of yoga to try and counter all the brutality I put my body through as a rugby player for 15 years. The instructors often offer up a mantra at the beginning of class for practitioners to focus on and keep coming back to throughout the session as a way to keep grounding yourself in an intention for that time. This particular instructor shared the mantra “Let go of the outcome and live in the effort.” She said it once, and it has stuck with me for over a decade as something I tap back into and repeat whenever I need to reground myself in why I do what I do. It’s served me in training sessions, game days, tough career transitions, challenging board meetings and so many other times and places when I needed to be reminded of what I really value over whatever final outcome or result I’m hoping for.
Our values serve as a North Star when all of the other distractions of life may begin to feel overwhelming. They remind us why we do what we do and provide the foundation for how we do it. Taking time to get clear on your values now can be so helpful for when you encounter those forks in the road as Brian mentioned. Here’s a Values Resource to help you get started, and don’t be afraid to let go of the outcome and live in the effort.
-Derika
PS. To hear the full conversation with Brian, join us at The Next Playbook Podcast and sign up for our Newsletter to hear about new posts.
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