Falyn Fonoimoana was 6 feet tall at age 12.  Her uncle Eric was a gold medalist in beach volleyball in the 2000 Summer Olympics.  Her aunt Lelei was a silver medalist in swimming in the 1976 Summer Olympics.  And her mom really wanted her to become a tennis player, enrolling her in lessons at a very early age.  To say there was some expectation around her athletic ability would be an understatement.  She eventually traded in her tennis racket to focus full-time on volleyball and ended up being the #1 recruit in the nation coming out of high school.  She was so sought after by top schools that Falyn committed to attend and play volleyball at the University of Southern California (USC) in her freshman year in high school, more than 3 years before she would ever step foot onto the USC court as an eligible player.

I recently sat down with Falyn to discuss the pressure that came with all those expectations and how she handled the transition from high school to collegiate volleyball at one of the top schools in the country.  She said she wanted to step onto the team at USC feeling like a veteran, so she put in the time to be prepared for this huge step.  Falyn shared, “The biggest thing that my mom ever gave me was the work ethic that I've had. I've always been a hard worker. I've always outworked my opponents, but the biggest thing was to not get content.”  She got a trainer, worked on her physical fitness, tried to drown out all the hype around her ability, and really focused on her mental prep to step into this new environment.  And it paid off as Falyn went on to play for the USA National Team and become a professional volleyball player on the indoor court and out on the sand in beach volleyball.

While the list of accolades behind her name is long, the thing she’s most proud of is being a mom.  I asked her how she approached encouraging her son to be involved in sports and balancing the pressure of being the kid of a professional athlete.  She noted that her son is in a unique position of having an active professional mom and shared, “I have been playing his entire life, and even to this day in going to his games, I don't tell people what I do.”  She never wants him to feel the additional pressure that can come with this spotlight at such a young age and said, “my son has enough going on; like it's hard to be a kid in general.”  She went on to share, “You know the biggest thing I emphasize is hard work.”  Her advice to other parents grappling with what to get their kids involved in is “expose them to anything that catches their eye; even it's for a few weeks, do it.”  While Falyn felt the pressure of growing up in such an athletic family, she wants her son to find his own way in whatever he’s passionate about.  She’s much more focused on the effort he puts in rather than the outcome, and this reminded me of a wonderful line I’d heard recently.

“I have no cherished outcomes” is a line from the Celtic Prayer of Approach (full prayer located at the end of this post) that signifies one group being open to a new experience and receptive to unfamiliar people without any predetermined expectations.  I first heard of the prayer and this famous line in a Tim Ferriss podcast interview with Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love and many other books.  The sentiment of the line resonated immediately as I’m often trying to stay focused on the effort put into something and releasing the need for a specific outcome which I rarely control anyway.  It reminded me of my favorite mantra I’d heard in a yoga class to “let go of the outcome and live in the effort.”  It’s not always easy, but I do find it serves me in focusing my energy on the things I have some control over.  Hearing Falyn talk about her son and her openness to and desire to minimize any pressure he’s feeling around living up to some expectations as the son of a professional athlete led me to revisit this idea of how different life can feel when we are able to release “cherished outcomes.”

What “cherished outcomes” are you holding onto in life?  And what might open up if you could release that hold just a little bit?

-Derika

P.S. To hear the full conversation with Falyn, join us at The Next Playbook Podcast and sign up for our Newsletter to hear about new posts. You can also follow us on social media via Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn.

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Here’s the full Celtic Prayer of Approach:

I honour your Gods,

I drink at your well,

I bring an undefended heart to our meeting place,

I have no cherished outcomes,

I will not negotiate by withholding, and

I am not subject to disappointment.

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